The Clarinet
by trumpetman0608
Summary: Not specifically MARCHING band, but band in general.  A star clarinetist's journey through relationships, cliques, and popularity, and her discovery of what is truly important to her.


The Clarinet

On a Monday afternoon in the music wing of Akers Grove High School in eastern New York, the halls had just emptied of students anxious to head home after the last bell. As their loud din had faded, anyone who was listening would have heard the sound of a clarinet softly filling the halls. Moving toward the band rehearsal room, this unknown listener would have noticed the music growing stronger and more distinct, and through the glass panes in the double doors could have seen two musicians: a girl with dark brown hair, seated and playing a clarinet, and a boy standing behind her and to the left, peering over her shoulder at the pages perched on the stand in front of them. Both faced away from the door, engrossed in their music.

In the rehearsal room, the bright, crisp winter sunlight streaming through windows mounted high in the walls seemed to imitate the sounds flowing from the girl's clarinet. The instrument was itself a treasure; it was nearly eighty-five years old. Hand-made in Italy in 1922, its wood was of the finest quality, and of a color that closely resembled that of its player's hair. The girl's father, grandfather, and great-grandfather had played the clarinet during their careers as professional musicians, and it still played like new. Its polish gleamed in the thin ray of light that fell across it, and its keys sparkled like diamonds as the girl's fingers danced over them, producing the notes of the song in front of her, _All I Ask of You._

Her companion's instrument was his own incredible tenor voice, and he waited attentively for his entrance in the song. Brushing his dark, curly hair out of his face, he straightened and took a breath, then softly began to sing the touching love song. He sang to his accompanist, also his long-time girlfriend, who was by far the best clarinetist in the school. He himself was the centerpiece of the school's select chorus, his voice and looks making him the secret heartthrob of many admirers. But his heart belonged to only one, and he made sure that everyone, especially her, knew that. The couple loved this time, this half-hour between the end of class and actually having to leave. This was their time, their song, and their love.

When the time came to leave, they replaced the music stand on the rolling rack pushed out of the way in the far corner of the room. The girl stacked her chair with all the others like it, lined up against the back wall. With loving care she disassembled her clarinet and put it back in its case, lined with red velvet padding whose color was still as rich as the day it had been made. Carrying the case in her left hand, she clasped her boyfriend's hand with her right as they left 'their' room. She was always careful to remember to take her precious clarinet home with her because it was made of wood, and leaving it in the cold rehearsal room overnight would be disastrous.

It was said jokingly (but realistically) that when the rehearsal room had been added onto the school the builders had forgotten to install the heating and air conditioning system. This was of course not true, but it may as well have been. The rising cost of fuel had led the school to be more sparing when it came to climate control. The rehearsal room was such a huge space that it was difficult to heat on a tight budget. On cold winter mornings, the breath of the musicians coming to practice could be seen in the air, lit up in the golden sunlight filtering through the high windows. The next morning proved to be one such time.

"Sarah! Hey! Sarah!"

Sarah looked up from assembling her heirloom clarinet to see who was calling her. She didn't recognize the girl who was running up to her.

"Sarah!" The newcomer stopped a few feet in front of her to catch her breath before asking, "Have you seen Josh yet this morning?"

"No," Sarah said, "Why?" She was curious as to why this unknown girl was asking about _her_ boyfriend.

"Oh, I just wanted to tell him something. Sorry to bother you. Later!" The girl left just as fast as she had come in, without ever giving her name or her business.

When Sarah's boyfriend did arrive, she greeted him with a smile and hopped up happily to say hello. She loved it when he came into the rehearsal room in the mornings. It gave her a chance to display their relationship to everyone present. She considered herself lucky to be the one he chose out of all the possible contenders.

Josh's friends liked to poke fun at him by calling him "Fabio." His looks and his voice brought him the attention of many girls, and he seemed to have the natural air of being a trendsetter or a celebrity. He could make any outfit look good, and make any song sound amazing. He was every girl's dream, and Sarah was the lucky one who got to live that dream every day.

After saying good morning, she said, "Hey, there was a girl in here just a minute ago asking for you. Who was she?"

Josh looked at her with a confused expression. "I don't know. There was nobody in the hall when I came in. What did she look like?"

"Short brown hair, about my height, wearing khakis, heels, and a leather jacket?"

He still looked confused, but there was something strange about his expression. Sarah couldn't quite place it, but he had an odd look in his eyes, a sort of dreamy look.

"Hm," he shrugged, "Oh well. Hey, are you ready for the concert tonight?"

With the subject changed and Josh's eyes focused back on her own, Sarah forgot all about the other girl. "Of course I'm ready!" She smiled, "We've practiced every day for a week."

That night was the annual winter concert, and the highlight would be Josh and the chorus singing _All I Ask of You_, accompanied by Sarah and her clarinet. The pair had been thrilled when they had learned that they would be singing the music they considered to be their song. How romantic to perform it at a concert!

The bell rang, and Josh had to go to class. He hugged his girlfriend and walked to the door, turning with a smile to wave as he left. She smiled back, and then settled into her chair with her instrument to get ready to play, thinking about the upcoming concert.

The night went flawlessly from the beginning. Both the band and the chorus performed without missing a note. At last it was time for the finale. Sarah, her heart thumping with excitement, carried her clarinet to the accompanist's chair to the right side of the assembled chorus. Josh stepped out of the group and closer to a microphone so his solo could be heard more clearly. Sarah closed her eyes and took a deep breath at almost the same time Josh did, then the song began.

Sarah knew her part very well; she had much of it memorized. She concentrated for the first page, but once the music was in motion she could allow herself to go on autopilot and let her eyes move to Josh. The sight of him made her swell with pride and play all the better, but something drew her attention toward the audience. As her gaze shifted, she saw, in the front row, the girl who had approached her that morning. She was sitting cross-legged, watching Josh attentively with a dreamy smile on her face. Sarah's eyes returned to her boyfriend, only to find him returning the smile and gaze of the girl in the audience. What did it mean?

Confusion raced into Sarah's mind, mixed with disbelief and a little anger. Was this what she feared it was? _Who is that girl?_

Her concentration wavered. Entering the high point of the song, her fingers slipped. The sour note brought her back to reality, but she had lost her place in the music. She stopped to let her memory take over and continued playing, but the mistake had been very noticeable. People in the audience were looking at each other and whispering, and the director was giving her annoyed looks. She felt her face flush, but still her mind was on the girl in the audience.

The song ended to a standing ovation for Josh's singing, but his eyes were now on Sarah again. Maybe the glance he had shared with the other girl had been a random event. Maybe she had imagined it all. Even so, it worried her.

After the chorus had left the stage, Sarah hurried to try and find him. He wasn't in the halls, and he wasn't in the chorus room with his friends. Maybe he was in the auditorium looking for her. She opened the door that led backstage, but stopped short.

There in the shadows of the drawn curtains was the girl from the audience. She was looking deeply into Josh's eyes. They were very close to each other.

Josh looked up to see who had opened the door, and seeing the horrified expression on his girlfriend's face, he tensed and froze.

Sarah stood for a moment that seemed to last forever, finally letting a little gasp escape her. The other girl just gave her a sideways look and a dark smile that seemed to say, "That's right. Your boyfriend is cheating on you."

Feeling tears in her eyes, Sarah wiped her face and took a shaky breath. "Sorry to interrupt…" she stammered, trying not to cry, "Who's this?"

"Sarah, it's not…it's not…"

"How could you?" she whispered.

"Sarah I'm sorry! I don't know what happened, it's just…"

His voice faded in her head as her own thoughts started to swim. _I wasn't good enough. This is my fault!_

Her boyfriend's fame had caught up with him.

_Come on, you knew this was going to happen. It was inevitable!_

He had stopped speaking. His face looked like he was expecting a response from her, but she hadn't heard the question. She just gave him one last sad look, and left.

Josh moved to follow her, but the girl grabbed his arm. Sarah heard her say, "No. Just let her go. It's easier on her that way." And then the door closed, and she couldn't hear any more.

The next morning was Wednesday. In many opinions it was the dreariest day of the week, even more so than Monday because it was the middle of the school week. It was as far away from the past weekend as it was from the next one.

This Wednesday was even worse for Sarah. Everything seemed wrong from the moment she arrived at school. It was snowing outside under a gray sky, and the rehearsal room was even colder than usual. But without the warm pools of sunlight coming through the windows the room also seemed unfriendly. It made the clarinetist shiver as she unpacked her instrument, which didn't sound right when she tried to play. It sounded dull and lifeless. Sighing and sliding down in her chair, Sarah didn't notice her best friend Melanie coming toward her until she spoke.

"Hey," Melanie said softly

Sarah looked up. "Hey," she replied. There was not much else to say.

After a pause, Melanie started, "I heard. You know, about what happened?"

"It's out already?"

"It's everywhere, it seems," her friend said, "All it takes is for one blabbermouth with a computer to find out. Instant Messenger sucks, doesn't it?"

Sarah gave a sad laugh. How, in one night, did so many people find out about Josh cheating on her? It didn't seem possible. She wouldn't even get a chance to come to terms with it herself before she was bombarded by questions about it from all sides. It wasn't fair. How could such a good thing go so wrong so fast?

Melanie continued, "Anyway, there's a party at Pat's house tonight. You want to come? It's not going to be too wild, I promise."

Sarah smiled despite herself. "Not _too_ wild, huh?" She felt like she could use a wild party about now. It would definitely help her state of mind.

"Not _too_ wild," Melanie said, pleased that Sarah's mood was brightening, "But it's not going to be that dull either!"

"I'll be there!"

The bell rang and Melanie quickly said goodbye and jogged off to class. Sarah settled back into her music that for some reason sounded clearer and more confident. The room seemed brighter too.

The party, as it turned out, gave an option as to the preferred level of wildness. "Pat," who was hosting the event conveniently while his parents were out of town, was a running back on the football team, and so nearly all of the school's athletes were there. They were the wild ones, since everyone whose car had decent trunk space had brought alcohol in one form or another.

The second, calmer group was made mostly of the girlfriends of the jocks. Sarah didn't know too many people there, seeing as she wasn't well associated with the athletic types, but Melanie, who was, quickly introduced her.

As the night went on, Sarah noticed that she had an admirer. From across the room, a tall guy with sandy-colored hair had been watching her all night, and they had been exchanging flirty glances for the last hour or so. When she told Melanie, she got hearty advice to go talk to him, but her shyness stopped her.

Finally he made the first move. Without being too obvious he crossed the room carefully to avoid his drunken friends, and started to awkwardly orbit the couch Sarah and three other girls were sitting on. Seeing what was going on, Melanie hopped up, opening the spot next to Sarah.

The guy stopped hovering and sat down on the arm of the sofa. Looking at Sarah he said, "I don't think I've seen you around before. Are you new?"

Blushing, she said, "Nope." She had intended to say much more, but suddenly had no idea what to talk about.

His face showed that he was panicking. His opening line had failed miserably. Seeing his uneasiness, Sarah smiled warmly and asked, "What's your name?"

"Dylan," he stuttered, "My name's Dylan."

"I'm Sarah," she said.

"Hi, Sarah," he said with a sideways smile.

She laughed at his lack of finesse. At least he wasn't trying any corny pickup lines. "You can sit down if you want." She patted the cushion beside her.

"Oh! Sure, thanks!" he stammered as he slid onto the couch next to her. The situation was so awkward, but it was a good kind of awkwardness. It was the kind that meant that there was something between them. It meant they liked each other and didn't know how to say it.

After awhile of getting used to each other's company, conversation started to flow much smoother. Sarah quickly learned that Dylan played forward position on the basketball team. She didn't know much about sports, but from gym class she had gathered the general idea that the forward was almost always one of the best players on the team. Realizing this, she saw that yet another of the school's well-known figures had taken a liking to her. Excitement grew inside her with each passing minute as they relaxed and moved closer and closer to each other. She seemed to be aware of nothing else outside her little world on the couch.

In almost no time at all Sarah found herself leaning against him with his arm around her. Then, when it was time to leave, she found herself in his car as he drove her home. The feeling of his touch was so inviting after the cold loss of Josh, and she welcomed the sensation of his fingers stroking her hair, and especially the wild flutter in her stomach as he kissed her goodnight. Within a day of having her world shattered, a new life had already begun!

Time passed, and word of the new couple became old news. Sarah easily saw that Dylan was by far the best player on the basketball team, and also a contender for being the single most popular person in the school. That automatically made Sarah second most popular. Though she had dated a heartthrob before, she had still been the quiet, shy type. Now her newfound popularity had changed her almost instantly. _Everyone_ knew her name. _Everyone_ liked and accepted her. _Everyone_ wanted to be her friend. She discovered how good it felt to be envied by every other girl in the school, including, she noted with satisfaction, the one who had stolen Josh from her.

Sarah's thoughts about Josh himself faded. He and his cheating, it turned out, had only helped her on her way to the top of the popularity ladder. His voice and looks were no match for Dylan's reputation as the star basketball player who was, at the time, leading his team toward a state championship.

As Sarah's group of friends and interests shifted she spent more time in the gymnasium than in the rehearsal room. Her dedication to her clarinet wavered under the influence of new friends, much to the dismay of her father who had hoped she would continue the family tradition of music. But she was associated with people who didn't respect musicians, even musicians dating star athletes. Sarah loved being accepted by her new crowd and didn't want to do anything to make them think twice about her.

So, on the night of the final game in the playoffs, she was so preoccupied with other thoughts that she left school for the first time without her clarinet. She left it in a cubbyhole during the day, and there it remained. She remembered it just as she met up with Dylan, who naturally gave her a ride home, but she assumed it would be safe locked in the rehearsal room, and so she left without it. She forgot all about the destructive effects of cold dry air on wooden instruments.

The basketball game was a thriller to the last seconds. The score was tied 60-60 until the other team scored in the last five seconds of the game, making it 62-60. Akers High recovered the ball from the score and passed to their star forward. With the only hope of a win riding on a three-pointer, and no one open to pass to, Dylan had taken a desperate shot from beyond the half-court line. The ball was still in the air as the buzzer sounded, and when it faded the stands were silent, holding their breath. The ball hit the rim and bounced off the backboard, rolled around the basket twice, then finally dropped through the net. The fans and the team went wild, and Dylan clearly couldn't believe he had scored to win the game. But he certainly enjoyed the attention it brought him as the team advanced to play for the state championship.

Sarah couldn't be happier. As her boyfriend was instantly raised to legendary status, she reached levels of social rank that she had never known before. The morning after the game brought her great pride as she walked into school hand in hand with the king of the court. Idly she noted that it was very cold. Unnoticed at the wild basketball game, the temperature had plunged overnight, and the school's heating system couldn't keep up on the tight energy budget.

The cold was the least of Sarah's thoughts as everyone they passed in the hallways congratulated Dylan with handshakes and slaps on the back while paying just as much attention to her. Even as they walked down the music wing everyone knew them. Sarah intentionally tossed her hair and carried her head higher in the air as they passed by Josh, standing in front of the chorus room door.

The air in the rehearsal room was so crisp and cold it felt like it would shatter if anyone spoke too loudly. The entire space was lit up by golden sunlight spilling through the windows. It was a perfect morning.

As Sarah took her clarinet out of its case, the consequences of the cold never crossed her mind. She was too deeply lost in Dylan and the attention being given to her. So when her boyfriend asked if he could try to play a note, she only smiled, handed over her precious instrument, and said, "Go for it!"

The clarinet seemed to cry out as it was passed off to an unfamiliar set of hands, but Sarah wasn't listening. A small group had gathered around them, and she wanted them all to see that the great Dylan had played _her_ instrument. She would be the envy of the whole section in the band. Oh, the fame it would bring her when every girl who heard of this wanted a chance to touch – no, just to _see_! – the reed that the school hero had put his lips on…

Sarah's daydream was interrupted by a sharp _crack,_ followed by a gasp from the observers. Her smile vanished as she saw Dylan's face go pale as he stared at the clarinet in his hands.

"What happened?" Sarah demanded.

"I'm…I'm sorry," he said, and turned the instrument over. "I don't know what I did. I'm really sorry."

Sarah's breath caught in her throat as she saw what had happened. The clarinet had spent all night in the frigid air of the poorly heated rehearsal room, and the sudden temperature change of Dylan's hot breath had caused the ancient wood to expand too fast. A jagged crack now split the heirloom instrument from mouthpiece to bell.

Sarah cried out in shock at the sight. She grabbed the ruined instrument from Dylan's hands and cradled it like a wounded child. She knew it was her fault for being so careless, but she was so angry she didn't care. If he hadn't wanted so badly to play it this would never have happened! She drew back in rage and punched her boyfriend squarely in the chest. Holding up his hands in surprise he backed away as she came at him again, but the bell rang and he used the diversion to flee the room. With no one but herself left to blame, Sarah collapsed into a chair in tears with her broken clarinet still in her arms.

As the day went on and she got over the shock of losing her most valuable possession, Sarah realized that she had to apologize to Dylan. After all, it wasn't really his fault. She should have been more careful and responsible.

At the end of the day Sarah walked quickly to the school lobby where Dylan would be waiting for her to take her home. But looking around, she didn't see him. She was puzzled until she remembered the basketball practice the team had after school that day. The disaster with the clarinet had made her forget that she was to meet Dylan in the gym, not in the lobby.

In her head Sarah had planned everything she would say. She would apologize for getting so angry, and especially for hitting him. She would let him know that she didn't hold him responsible for the broken instrument, and most importantly she would make it clear that she still loved him…

As she opened the door to the gym the smile fell from her face and she stopped short at what she saw. The shock she felt now was a hundred times more sudden and painful than when her clarinet had split. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands, letting her books fall to the floor. There on the bleachers sat Dylan with a cheerleader under each arm and four others gathered closely around. He was relating the story of the playoff victory in greatly exaggerated detail, even though all six girls had been at the game. They wanted attention more than an account of the game, and they were getting generous amounts of both. Before he was alerted of Sarah's presence by her books hitting the floor, Dylan had kissed one of the girls next to him and told her how pretty she was. Sarah heard and saw all this, and her eyes were full of tears by the time Dylan even looked up and noticed her.

When their stares met he displayed only mild surprise and invited his girlfriend to come and join the fun. When she didn't move, he didn't seem to understand what was wrong. All the cheerleaders knew Sarah, and none of them seemed to understand her shock either.

The girl whom Dylan had kissed was totally indifferent. "Oh come on, Sarah, really! You're not worried about one little kiss, are you? It doesn't mean anything!"

_It does to me!_ Sarah thought in disbelief. She knew she was going to start crying any moment. To save what little pride she had left, she ran out of the gym, ignoring the confused shouts from behind her. Dylan didn't follow her. He could have his pick of hundreds of other potential dates; girls practically were lining up to go out with him. He still cared about Sarah, but hey, if she was going to be so oversensitive about something so trivial, maybe she wasn't the one for him after all. Besides, he thought she didn't like him now anyway since he had broken her clarinet. He had feared all day that she was going to break up with him. This just made it easier on everyone.

Having nowhere else to go, Sarah had taken refuge in the rehearsal room. As far out of sight as possible, she sat at a desk with her face buried in her arms, crying. She didn't hear her friend Melanie, who had seen Sarah running through the halls, come into the rehearsal room quietly. She jumped when she felt Melanie's hand on her shoulder.

"What's wrong?" her friend asked concerned, "Where's Dylan?"

When Sarah didn't answer, but only cried harder, Melanie figured it out. "Oh. Dylan _is _the problem?"

Sarah nodded.

Melanie knew how to brighten her friend up. Music always seemed to make her happy. She walked over to the shelf where Sarah's clarinet usually was, but couldn't find it. Instead there was an envelope with Sarah's name on the front.

"Hey, where's your clarinet?"

Sarah looked up with a wry smile. She opened the desk drawer where the director had put the broken instrument that morning, and took it out, turning it so Melanie could see the crack.

"Oh no! What happened?"

"Dylan happened," Sarah sniffed.

"Is that why…"

"No. Please, I don't want to talk about anything right now. I'll explain tomorrow."

Melanie understood. Everyone had times when they just wanted to be left alone. She hugged her friend, then turned to leave, but stopped.

"Oh, wait. This was on your shelf. It doesn't say who it's from."

Sarah scanned the envelope, recognizing Josh's handwriting. "Thanks Mel. See you tomorrow."

Melanie smiled and left, hoping that the letter would somehow cheer her friend up. She didn't know who it was from.

Sarah opened the envelope and read Josh's letter. In it he told how guilty he felt for being unfaithful, and how empty his life was without her. He wrote that he still loved her and pleaded for her forgiveness, and asked her to give him another chance.

Once she had finished reading, she couldn't quite understand why she wasn't leaping for joy. All she ever wanted she could have back! All she had to do was say yes.

And yet something nagged at her mind. Was that really what she had wanted? Her eyes strayed to the shattered remains of her precious clarinet, which her parents had yet to find out about. She had lost so much since the night of the concert. Would accepting Josh's plea just make the cycle begin all over again? Sarah looked between the letter and the dead clarinet, which was all she was left with after all this. Even if she got back together with Josh things would never be the same between them. What would it amount to anyway? Had she ever really loved him? Had he ever loved her? Dylan certainly hadn't. Was any of it even about love, or was it all done for the sake of some social game? At the moment she didn't have an answer for these questions. But she did know that she felt a greater loss for her clarinet than for either of the boys, and this, in some way, had to be significant.


End file.
